March 2004 Archives

It's about time I change my hairstyle again. Either that or a trim. I'm contemplating on dyeing it too, after 'resting' my hair for the past few haircut sessions.

My initial intention was to let my hair grow much longer (so that I can do more different styles for it) but it's always this transitional period that's hard to get through with...now it's not long nor short and it's getting messier by the day...with my slight natural curl, everyday I wake up to different bad hair days >__< With my parents nagging at me for my long hair (frankly, it's not that long lor!), I think I wanna do something about it. Probably I'll trim it a little and dye it all brown with blonde sections (?) Even though I've always wanted to try dyeing it red/pink/purple, I'd not survive my first night when my parents see that *lol*

Anyway, it's about time too, considering that fact that my band, LGF, has an upcoming gig next Wednesday (7th April) in Temasek Poly. Sigh, it's funny how ugly people like me can be so vain *lol*

Suggestions, anyone? :P

Last night when I was taking my shower, I accidentally tugged at my earring while shampooing my hair and I sent it flying. I made a quick search for it but I couldn't find it. Damn, it was lost. Looking at the drainage hole (or whatever you call that), I concluded that it went to the point of no return.

Then it sparked some memories...the story behind my silver-earring-with-a-stud. A couple of years back...I can't remember whether it was during the end of my poly days or during my early army days, I got to know this spunky 16-year-old girl from the internet (yeah, it always happens, doesn't it?) and she suggested going on a movie and dinner 'date' and we did meet up. It was a little ackward cos she's just a 16-year-old girl but we did manage to enjoy the movie, dinner and conversation, etc. In fact, I remember her really clearly cos she made me feel like I'm a kid again *lol* There was this instance when we were drinking bubble tea with pearls and she mischievously used her straw and shot a pearl at me like a dart. We also folded a boat and aeroplane with the receipt, etc...and little little things like that felt almost heartwarming. Well, after all that, before we left Marina Square, she excused herself and told me to wait at a spot for her return. And so I did. Minutes passed...15 mins...half an hour...the wait continued. I began to wonder whether she was playing me out and left without me. Just when I thought I was made a fool, she appeared from the crowd and stretched out her hand.

"I got this for you!"

...and handed me a small package. It was a silver earring with a stud in the middle. At that time, I was still wearing an 'obiang' gold earring and she felt I'd look better with a silver one, so she went to get it. Naturally, I was touched and kinda speechless. It was a really sweet gesture. But as such stories had to end, we never get to meet up after the first meeting for reasons still unknown. She just 'disappeared' without any phonecalls or response to my email/pagings, etc.

Ever since the day she got me the earring, I had it on till now. Not entirely because it had a special meaning, but it also looked much better than my gold one and there isn't any need to change earrings. So, the images above flashed through my mind for a few seconds while I still had shampoo in my hair.

"Oh well...I guess if it has to go, it has to go..." I thought to myself.

I did a quick search again after my shower and reached my hand into a nearby wash basin full of dirty laundry soaked with detergent just to try my luck.

Once again, I felt the familiar stud with my fingers :)

First and foremost, It was really really nice to read those heartwarming comments that were sparked by my last entry. It's really nice to know that you peeps are there for me as well :)

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We had a blast last night while doing our studio recording!. It was a really fulfilling and fun session cos we were doing our last bits of the recording and we had some wacky stuff going in there *lol*

It was a session to record vocals and we were all there to support our vocalist, emi. But never did we expect that our sound engineer suddenly had a brillant idea on the background vocals and got ALL of us into the booth to lend our voices to the recording!!! @_@ Geez...this is the time for the rest of the guys to have our voices recorded and into our LGF songs!! Hahah! Before that, we were all teasing, laughing and coming down at emi while she was doing her vocals, but now, we were the ones under the scrutiny and had to learn to harmonize our parts. With our drummer/bassist fooling around and cracking up laughters, bloopers were aplenty but it was sure insane and fun! *lol*

It took a little getting used-to to listen to our background vocals on our songs, but boy, the results were fantastic! :) Next time, I can proudly tell my grandson that I was one of fellas singing falsetto in the backgrounds of our song. heh.

All in all, everything went on really well and I had a time of my life last night. The studio sessions really brought out the closeness among ourselves and LGFer are like family members I never had *awww* You guys rock big time man...

Now we're done with our parts and waiting for the final editing/mixing. Watch out world, LGF's coming at cha! :P

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As promised, here are the pics from our last gig, "Blast the Sound: Red Alert" that took place at Planet Paradigm.

Also, LGF was really glad to be interviewed by a local rock/metal website, Pure Rock. You can read the interview here.

Hahaha...here's LGF's 'bo chap/guai lan' picture I've stolen from there *lol* (Click to enlarge)

Pics from the performance (mouse over for comments):

'Mood' pictures:

Last night's studio recording was a last-minute thing but the efforts really paid off as I listened to a rough 1st mix of the song. Nevermind missing my nap, reaching home at 12+am, sleeping at 2 am, having a bad hairday and walking around like a zombie today...our baby's really smashing! Can't wait for the vocals to be recorded and to hear them in full glory!

Meaning of our band, LGF, for this moment: Life's Greatest Feeling...

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Recerntly, someone close told me this when we were casually talking about some issues:

"...honestly u r someone whose pleasant to talk to lor.......... coz u will always have comments and response to things others talk about..... which makes ppl feel they r being 'listened to'..... and most of the time ur comments are positive and nice ones..."

Now she got me thinking about something. Is that the reason why I've only got people to confide in me when they have the need to express themselves...and after that, they just disappear once they're done with it? I don't know...at times, it does feel that way to me, that people 'make use' of me cos I'm conveniently there...

But I guess it won't change the way I treat people cos it's still very 'me' to listen to people and get to know them through active listening and sharing.

It's a surprise that you've found the song instead.

The words speak of you...and my thoughts as well.

Bizarre Love Triangle

Every time I see you falling
I get down on my knees and pray
I'm waiting for that final moment
You'll say the words that I can't say

Last night's performance at Planet Paradigm was quite fantastic despite having some hipcups with our playing. It was an all-chinese rock gig and there were 4 others bands who played hard rock stuff, so our band was the most 'poppish'-sounding one there *lol* Those bands sounded good technically and were tight in their playing, however, listening to 4 bands in a row on 1 night with shredding guitar solos that last for mins, and screaming vocals isn't exactly very attention-holding. No offense. They were good and write good stuff. But they just don't register in my head ^__~

What makes me feel really good after this gig is the fact that we were thrown with lots of 'obstacles' and we ran through them by hook or by crook...and never looked back. 4.00am in the morning of the gig, we received sms from chOO, our programmer that his groovebox's volume control is dead. Bad news. That means at least 2 songs will be affected and had to find alternatives fast. Hours before the gig, the problem was solved by using a sampler instead. When we reached the place for soundcheck, the organiser was late and soundcheck was delayed. Ended up the audiences coming into the pub during the soundcheck...not really presentable in my opinion. Next, the keyboards there weren't as user-friendly as expected...and the soundman couldn't get Seto (our keyboardist) his required sound patches. No choice. Had to make do with whatever they offered.

When our turn was up to perform, we did alright (abeit some little mistakes here and there. So, after mis-timings, missing lyrics, wrong notes and out-of-tuned instruments (due to my bassist overbending the strings and me using a capo on my guitar), we survived the gig proudly *lol*

I had a great experience last night. I poured myself into playing my part and despite looking like a monkey jumping around, or a madman possessed, I had fun. I like the audience...even though some might be just teasing us or genuinely giving their support, I really appreciate their attention. Having a pub gig differs from a public performance. People in the pub sorta pays for the entertainment and are more expressive/rowdy in reaction to the performances. They can cheer you on hard, and they can boo you if you suck. Fortunately, we've got cheers (I think *lol*). My vocalist even told me some fellas were like, waving lighters when we played our version of 'Liu Xing Yu' *lol*....and how the soundman jumped and danced during our playing...it's little things like these that makes us wanna keep on performing. Our energy is drawn from yours. Everyone out there. If you have fun, we'd have fun.

Was really glad to see familiar faces and new ones. People who came to support us really got my heartfelt thanks. Made a few friends too. One of the greatest feeling is to be told that they like a particular song we wrote. We write and perform to express ourselves and having another person to appreciate that makes my day.

Had dinner at S11@library and took the last train home... although it was supposedly a tiring day, my night was surprisingly a long one...filled with zest and experience of the performance...

Strangely, I wasn't nervous last night...not at all...it's a great feeling :)

Thank you to all who came.

Last night's gig Trivia:
-Our band was the only band who didn't play a Beyond cover song.
-We were the only band with a female vocalist.
-We had the most number of band members (6).
-...and the only band with 1 guitarist (plus 1 programmer)
-I think I'm the only guitarist who makes the most mistakes...hahaha
-...and the smallest sized guitarist (unless you wanna compare me with a female guitarist from another band, Revv)
-and the only one who uses a pedalcase full of pedal effects...
-...which makes me the only one who uses the mildest overdrive/distortion
while everyone has that 'in-yer-face' sound.
-We're the least heavy-sounding group there and we played pop!

Perhaps, pics will be up soon.
And oh...don't call me 'xiao jie' (miss) when you see me cos the kopitiam drink seller did that, and Gigi mistaken me for a lady when she saw me with Seto at the MRT >__< *lol*

It came and went...with a snap of the fingers. Sweet and refreshing as a morning dew when it arrived, but left a bitter aftertaste that'd last for days when it's gone.

This needless constant craving is utterly self-induced, much like alcohol and hangovers. Short-lived feel-good, and a whole lot of problems the morning after.

Over and over again...we subject ourselves to submissions, not knowing if there's anything to break the fall.

A little too late. The damage is caused. Picking up the crutches to walk again...Walking with a limp, but the handicap is in the heart.

Fools like us.

It's funny how people always say 'follow your heart' when making decisions while it's always the heart that fools you if you're not careful. We can make proper sense of things and situations when we think with our head but yet we are chained to choices and influences carried by our emotions...even when they are seemingly bad decisions.

There are times when we couldn't let go of someone or choosing to repeat the same mistakes despite knowing that things aren't working out, or foreseeing the same outcome. Why? Do we not know what is good or bad for us? Isn't the hurt, disappointment and negative effects suffered enough? It seems easy for me to make sense, but like everyone, I'm not one without the emotional drawback. I've realised that the mother of this darn thing is 'association' (or at least to me). In my past attempts in relationship, like everyone else, I poured in my heart and soul (and sometimes, money ^^) and gave everything I could. I'd try to get into things that they liked...interests, preferences and even lifestyles in the hopes that I'd grow closer to them. Soon, I found myself associating things with them. Certain restaurants, food, songs, clothes, shops, streets, scent, images, movies, hell...even spoken words remind me of them. And when things don't work out, you're stuck these associations that just won't go away. When coupled with the memories, these things are like voodoos that drive you nuts and make you do crazy, illogical things, often holding you back from moving on with your life. Other times, they're like bad mojo that cover you with melancholy and emotional roller coaster rides.

Fortunately, with the help of friends, music, and my own determination, I've moved on. I'm not sure exactly how I got over it, but I've managed to detach the bulk of the emotions from the memories and associations. I realised that I can learn from the experiences and even when things go ugly, they're still a part of our life's chronicals. These things are not meant to be forgotten as they are like little display items on our shelves that remind us of what decisions we've made in our lifes, good or bad. But of course, it gets a little embaressing if we end up with a few of that same ugly souvenirs if we repeat our mistakes too many times ;)

My colleague and I were on this topic earlier and she shared with me what she has learnt from a course about de-associating these sad memories or situations that make us feel sad.

Basically, whenever you feel really down or affected by a particular event and you can't really move on (may it be a breakup, a heated up argument, a traumatic experience, or even memories, etc), you wanna de-associate with it to make you feel better. It's not asking you to forget the incident (not really possible I think), but to go through the experience in your head in a different perspective. Try to recall the images that appear in your head when you used to think of the event...is it from the 1st person point of view? Is the person near or far from you? Whether the scene is bright or dark? Loud sounds or silent? Now, once you know what images you 'see', try to change them the next time you encounter them during your mood swings. Perhaps recalling them from 3rd perspective, or change the distance of the person, the brightness level, different sounds, etc...according to my colleague, it is really effective in making you feel better. She mentioned that changing the way you look at it will change how you feel about the event or experience, probably lessening the way it impacts your mood. It sounds interesting. I haven't really tried it cos I don't really run into these situations. Or perhaps we've been doing this all the time subconsciously that we didn't notice it? I don't know...

Anyway, I know that things will eventually work out for people out there with these dilemma. It's a matter of how fast and how much more to take. Remember the fact that you can still smile, despite all that sh*t you've gone through, shows that you are still in control of your feelings and emotions. It's just how much of it ;)

Finally, something for the broken-hearted:

Stronger now
by Warrant

I gave to you my love and my respect
But I could never make you love me back
I denied it so I grew bitter watching you grow cold
My life became your prison, took it's toll
I decided
Like a bird that's trapped
Inside a gilded cage
It's hard to set it free,
Hurts to watch it
Fly away